My Journey

Writing is something you have to do often in order to get all the words right. I have attempted a few posts on my blog recently none of which were post worthy, so I deleted them. I needed to get used to the process again, it's been about three years since I seriously wrote. I'm not talking fiction either, non-fiction writing is more difficult because you have to dig deeper into your soul to capture the right words. That is what has been the most challenging for me because it comes out sounding too bitter, so much so, that a bitter taste is literally left in my mouth after reading the words. So, in the future, I will be attempting to write about my emotions without leaving the reader with a bad taste in their mouth. The blog is called "Powering through the Pain" and I started it three years ago. I wrote for a few months about my journey through this physical pain which has honed in on my neck. Three years ago I wrote about how I was overcoming this pain and how I was "powering" through it, but I never wrote about where I think it came from or what it really feels like to experience this kind of pain. Over the last few years I have spent time learning and growing through this pain but I never stopped to ask why this has happened, and if anything, what could I have done to prevent it from happening? My plan is to take people through my personal journey and the possible core reasons behind someone's pain. I plan to get raw with my words and real with my emotions. I will also be writing about the many things that help me face my days with strength versus weakness. I will get personal with my deepest thoughts and feelings hopefully giving the people who read this more understanding and compassion for us who have been emotionally, physically, or mentally broken and then pieced back together. The question that I have for myself which I hope to find the answer for is; "Where did my pain come from and how much of it was caused from emotional trauma versus physical trauma?" All who have experienced some form of pain or brokenness have these residual side effects from it. Usually you can see pain in someone's eyes if you look closely... Just remember, not everyone can stay hidden forever. Although, that is our first instinct, to power through it, which will definitely make us stronger right? Wrong. Pain is not something to push and shove and squeeze into the dark spaces of our minds in order for our body and soul to stay protected; all that does is create what is called a void or a black hole or a nasty negative energy; the longer it stays living on the dark side, the more disgusting it becomes, growing arms and legs and fists, that's when you feel it pounding down that locked door you threw it behind. Has your pain grown fists yet? Can people see it through your eyes trying to get out? Let me back up and be perfectly clear right now, this is what I know to be true, if you have chronic physical pain that is manifesting somewhere in your body then there is a good possibility that it came from something that you have been through emotionally but did not go through all of the proper healing channels. This is what I believe happened to me. It is the only thing that makes sense. My neck has been the nesting zone for my emotional trauma, and I have years and years of emotional trauma. I have been experiencing physical pain for ten years now, my body just started to break apart at 27 years old, and all this time I was trying to figure out what really caused it. People have always asked me what happened to cause the injuries to my young neck, and I NEVER have an answer or know what to say. I am still discovering new ways the brain effects the body, which is the main purpose for writing again. Through my writing I look to unveil the mystery of pain and hope to gain healing from sharing my journey.